Disclaimer/Clarification

If you read the below entry, please know that it is the actual antique fair that I seem to not have the affinity for. I enjoyed the company and a few tents. One day I might be able to spend hours on end. I can see why people go and have such luck and fun there. Mom found a great mirror, Ellen found a trowel door-knocker that I actually would have also bought for myself if I had my own home. And it was certainly NOT due to lack of good company that I ended up wandering Round Lake Village instead of sticking it out in the tents.

The other side of "antiquing"

I came to New York vowing to be good-natured and up for anything.  On Saturday, that meant I would be going to the first Antique Fair I have ever attended on my own volition.  The Round Lake Antique Fair took place a couple miles away over the weekend.   We left in Auntie Ellen's car, parked, and began our tour of the antique fair.  It was interesting at first.  Then I saw some really strange things that I did not think belonged at ALL at an antique fair.   For example:

Yeahhh....

There was an awful lot of vintage jewelry around.  Some of it was awful costume jewelry, some of it was great.  Various applique type things were also on the tables.  I pondered to myself, "now who on earth would wear all of these things?"

And there she was.  I found the one woman on earth who does wear all these things--and wears them all at the same time:

Odd.  Hmmm.    If I had cash, I would have bought two things.  I did see a lovely necklace for $8, and also an antique collection of prayer books, including the New Testament and Catholic prayers for just $10:

In an effort to cut back on my impulse purchases, I didn't bring a single dollar with me, and it's probably for the best.  lasted through one long row of tents before we then crossed the road and I saw that we were headed for a line of tents nearly three times the length.  Within a few minutes I knew I was done.  I parted from Mom and Ellen and decided to walk the opposite direction of the antique fair, out of the crowds and into the village towards the lake.

Round Lake Village is like one big neighborhood of old, beautiful (for the most part) Victorian homes, their yards and white picket fences rambling into one another, street by crooked street.  It is the type of lakeside village that I imagine was particularly alive earlier in the twentieth century.  For the most part, the residents have kept up their homes and gardens beautifully.  The reason i don't have pictures to share is because every time I passed a lovely home, with perennial gardens and wrap-around porches, inevitably, there would always be someone reading a book on the porch.  They all smiled and said hello, and I privately wished they would invite me up for some lemonade.  It was hot and very humid.  I walked an entire loop, found the dynamic duo again and carried their antiques back to the car.  Then I spent about twenty minutes on my reading a book, flat on my back in a park.  A heavy rainstorm cut that, as well as the antique shopping, short.    Saved by the rain...

Adirondack climb . . . a couple photos...blogging to come.

Happy 35th Mom and Dad!

En Route

Last flight out? Yep, that's me...11:59....and counting....

I've traveled a lot within the U.S.  A lot.  Flying is second nature to me.  And so I felt completely out of sorts today when little seemed to go right.  I was dropped off at United, but was supposed to fly out of US Airways.  US Airways only had me going as far as DC instead of Albany.  "Do you have your itinerary?" the ticket agent asked me pointedly.  Ummm.  (No!)  Disapprovingly, she did a manual search on the computer to find my connection to Albany to get my bag all the way there.  "This is why you should bring your itinerary."  I nodded, agreed out loud and shook my head, feigning great shame.  The truth is, in the last dozen at least times I have flown, I stopped bothering to bring anything with me but ID and the credit card I bought the ticket with (unless it is work travel and I didn't book my own flight).  All the paper had become superfluous.  She treated me as if I'd never boarded a flight before.  Bah!  Time will tell if my bag really gets there.  Once I arrived here in Denver, I had to get new boarding passes to use here and in Albany.  

For all the flight experience, however, this is my first overnight flight.  (Already I'm regretting that I left my contacts in.)  I bypassed the restaurant-bar in Phoenix, assuming I'd treat myself something to eat and at least one glass of wine in Denver, easing myself into a physical state of food and enough wine that I will settle into 22C and fall quite pleasantly into a deep sleep along with (but high above) the rest of America. 

I was wrong.

After landing, I freshened up in the bathroom...after all, every twenty-something knows he or she will meet the one in the airport, right.  (Right.)  Nearly crumbling under the weight of my backpack, I pulled my carry-on into the Colorado Sports Bar.  There was only one open seat at the bar.  The Rockies had just won a big game (Joy for the temporary home team!).....against the Pittsburgh Pirates (Nooooooooooooo!!!!! Why are they so bad!?).  

I sat on the lone chair, and the waft of dirty back bar hit me.  It is unbelievable how disgusting this smell is, and that people (self-included) are willing to inhale this while attempting to enjoy a meal or beverage.  Memories of working for Sam Adams floated in and out of my head.After glancing at the menu and, I ordered a Fat Tire (traitor).  "You don't have to give me the finger, jeeez!" says the bartender whose name I never asked.  I had absently been scratching my nose with the wrong finger as I perused the menu.  

The kitchen was closed, but he brought me a cold, prepared salad.  The grilled chicken was in the form of three small strips (about a third of a chicken breast), as cold and hard as the rest.  The bill came to $15.67, before tip.  I guess I should have just waited to get my $7 flight beverage.  I'd have been equally (dis)satisfied but $11.67 richer (with tip...I'm nice).  Every time I stop at a restaurant on a layover, I sorely miss the Boston Beer Company corporate AmEx.  (For a year of my life, I did not pay my for cell phone, internet, food out, alcohol, or 80% of my gas. I really only ever long for that job in fiscal terms.)  

I was about two bites in to my mediocre cold salad when Last Call was announced.  Really?  Blessing in disguise...I didn't need to up the bill much more, but would have done so gladly if the bar had remained open.  At that point I didn't know I could entertain myself with wireless internet.

My flight is the last to leave Denver tonight; 11:59 PM.  I've typed my way up to 11:16...11:17.

Oh, before I go.  I've been distracted, a little bit of a minor basketcase in the days and hours leading up to my departure, experiencing unusual anxiety, ennui, frustration, restlessness.  I mean, beyond the higher than normal levels of all such things I'm prone to.   Late this afternoon I decided to toss two last items of clothing into the bag I was checking.  Because it was zipped, I opted to shove them into the top compartment.  I unzipped it, and could hardly believe my eyes.  Tucked in to the corner was a little pink and yellow pouch with a snap button.  My heart skipped a beat.  Could it be?  I grabbed it out and with great joy, felt the weight that told me what was inside.   It was my long lost rosary!!!  Somewhere in the last few years, it had gone missing.  The last time I really, really remember having it was before my move to South Bend.  (There was a time in DC when I really took to the rosary.  Praying with it was the only way I would fall asleep, and the only way I had a decent next day.)   For some reason I think it must have resurfaced somewhere in South Bend, because I can almost see it in the brown box by my bed there.  In any case, I had all but given up on seeing this special rosary, in my possession since my First Communion,  ever again.  I had moved on to wooden rosaries that also held special meaning for me: a colorful, wooden rosary I had bought during a craft sale I helped organize for my DC Church, when I served on the Africa committee.  The rosary was made in Kibera (the largest slum in Kenya), and profits went to the organizations we had promised grants to.  The other was a gift brought back from Poland, blessed by JPII at some point, in exchange for cat-sitting two weeks in Mishawaka IN.    Both I loved, but neither were my original.

I took the find as a sign to chill out.  Everything's fine, and it is going to be a wonderful summer.  

And we're boarding....

No coffee today.  I held off and drank electrolyte-enhanced water in preparation to give blood. Was then rejected from giving blood due to low iron.  (That's never happened).  Wondering if I have bags under my eyes or if the light is bad.  Have all but stopped packing before anything actually got into a suitcase.  Want to open wine, but don't want it to go bad when I don't finish it and leave town.   Ate green beans and watermelon for dinner in hopes to leave nothing to go bad in the fridge.  Green tea is not replacing a glass of wine effectively.  Wondering at what point I will ever actually write a single line worth reading.  

PS...yes, I am caffeinated.

If nobody figured it out yet, I had my first cup of coffee today in a couple of weeks.  I've been drinking tea instead, after my desire to drink coffee simply came to a halt.  Today I had a 9AM dentist appointment (no cavities!), so I skipped breakfast and tea.  I went to Borders to get a book (a Billy Collins collection) for my friend Robin who left today for the summer. By then I had this headache...and some magnetic force pulled me out of Borders (actually I think it was Emily's phone call) and across the way into Paradise Bakery where I knew an entire urn of Hazelnut coffee was waiting, as if the beans were grown especially for me.  Oh, it was good!!  And then I blogged all day long.    I also blog when I procrastinate.  (Coffee plus packing, cleaning, and the need to work out today...it's the perfect storm.)

The Great Pack

Today I started to stockpile things that I think I should pack. I think will help me be sure I have everything by Saturday evening....scary.  What is also scary is that I'm afraid this is the majority but still not quite all....at all.  Guess I will have to check a bag. 

Preparing to leave Phoenix (temporarily)

Dry, blazingly bleak, desert.

Will I ever really miss this?

Time will tell. 

(Photo taken between Tucson and Phoenix, looking East from the I-10)

This Saturday, evening, I'll depart Phoenix for a series of flights.  Phoenix, to Denver, to Washington, DC, to Albany.  Overnight and underslept, I'll arrive to the land of grass and trees, mountains, lakes, streams, lawnmowers, humidity, mosquitos (ugh).  A place I'll be used to calling "home" again in no time, especially after spending about four weeks there this summer.  

This trip home began as an idea back in either December or April.  "I may as well just come back for a month, escape the Phoenix heat.  Hang out, do whatever."  It was downgraded to "two weeks should do just fine" by May.  And ultimately, expanded back to "34 days: hold the U.S. mail and think about subletting."   How did this happen?  The initial June 27-July 11 went to July 12 to be sure I saw Emily, Ken and Baby.  June 27 to July 12 became June 22 to July 13 because friend Sarah decided to visit up there, but can only go June 23-26.  June 22 became June 20, in order to find the cheapest flight out that would get me there before Sarah, and on a day and time when someone could conveniently fetch me at the airport.  June 20-July 12 became June 20 to July 19 when my friend Shannon found a deal out of JFK to St. Thomas July 14-18.  And there I had it.  Wow, June 20 to July 19.  That is a very long time!  June 20 to July 19 became June 20 to July 23 when Dad called the day after I booked my flight back to Phoenix to announce that he is retiring, really this time, and that the Big Celebratory Shindig is scheduled for June 22.  It made little to no sense to fly to Phoenix on the 19, only to trek backwards to my place of origin two days later.  

It's not so bad if I break it into chunks of time and events.  A friend will be there for 4 days in the beginning, sister Sarah will be off work the second week I'm there.  I plan on coffee with the Man I Never Married After All sometime in the third week (although let's say up front I'll believe in that plan when it happens, and no sooner), Emily/Ken/Theo at the end of week 3.  Hoping to see Brother in Brooklyn on both sides of my St. Thomas excursion, and finish up the trip with a very happy celebration with Dad & family.  And in the middle of those "notable events" will be the silver lining: daily morning, afternoon or evening catch up time with mom and dad, making up for all the simple moments that are lost in living beyond 2,500 miles away.  And escaping the Phoenix July.  

For a while I've been beaming about "going back East" as if I have triumphed over Phoenix in some way, or escaping from my stranger-in-a-strange-land syndrome.  Yet, as the trip approaches, I found my heart pounding in anxiety, and I slowly realize that I kind of like it here.  I mean, it's still not home and it is definitely not forever, but it's not all that bad, either.   For the first time, I have a summer OFF of work.  And I enjoy reading by the pool.   Day trips to hike in Sedona.  Being around to help my friend with her toddler and newborn in those first overwhelming weeks.  Saturday mornings spending time with ND Club and Phoenix kids.  Occasional meals or drinks with friends.    Maybe it's not all that bad.  I LIKE to be WARM.  June has been absolutely (and unusually) delightful.  The temperatures are in the 90's, with sun, a few stray clouds, a constant breeze, and no humidity.  I sit outside comfortably, as I am now, almost any time of day or night, in shorts and a tank top.  In fact, I have turned the A/C off a couple times this week.  

I'm going to miss my pool.  And my favorite mugs in the morning.  And my bed.  And my car.  And my wireless internet.  I acknowledge that my basil plant is going to die within a week without water.  And then there are those things I need to remember to do.  Hold the mail (done!), pay July rent ahead of time (done!), empty refridge, take out all trash, turn off A/C.   Remember to pack...a lot.  Chargers.  Hiking boots.  Beach sandals.  Backup contacts.  Glasses.  Prescriptions and drugs, something nice for dad's dinner, something warm because now I think I'll be cold in cloudy, 75 degree weather.  

Stupid things like this are making me anxious, and yes, I know I'm being a little dramatic about my sojourn.   Character assessments such as me being "fiercely independent" (it wasn't a compliment, from the last person I dated) and "Katie likes freedom from controls" (see 'I'm Fascinated' entry below) make me wonder if I will go a little crazy without my own setting, my own things.

Obviously, I'm making a bigger deal of this than I need to.  It's a month.  I'll survive.  And I'll probably love 99% of it.   And don't get me wrong - I remain very excited and can't wait to get there.  It's just the actual stress of packing and travel, and the deep-within idea that I could go crazy with the suitcase living, that has me on edge for now.

Adventures in dreamland

In the last few years I have been an incredibly active dreamer.  I remember dreams, often for days on end.  

Recent Terrible Dream: It was last Friday night after the Penguins won the Stanley Cup.  I dreamt that it turned out that we celebrated the victory too soon; the text messages, the calls, the elation, everything.  We thought the game had ended, but there were still two minutes left, and the Wings came back to win it and I didn't found out until the next day.  It was so real and so awful that when I woke up in the night I still wasn't sure if the Penguins really won.  Saturday morning was a great relief.

Several days ago in a dream, I was pregnant-and so was every one of my high school girlfriends, and my mother too.  (That one was really weird.)  Two nights ago, I had two separate dreams.  In one, I had the usual travel-anxiety dream in which I missed my flight out of Phoenix for NY.  That one included a lot of strange details.  The same night, I dreamt that I was interviewing to return to admissions.  I stayed on campus at the Morris.  The Assoc. provost only had one question for me.  "Now that you work at a preppy college prep school, how will you react to prospective African and Guatemalan students?"  !!!??  I responded, "As a matter of fact,  I took a Guatemalan student to the zoo the other day."  He was satisfied.  [Yesterday I told the Admissions Director about this dream and he asked what prompted it, and told me if I ever wanted to return, they'd bypass the interview....hmmm]

Last night was a terrible dream.  I was subbing for a Physics teacher for the first two days of school.  All of the students were so terrible that I had given them JUG (in our school JUG, aka, "Justice Under God" = Detention) several times over.  They were so bad in so many ways and I had no classroom control whatsoever.  On the second day of school 16 students turned in Add/Drop Forms, citing that they were dropping the class because I was a mean teacher.  One student noted that it was fun for him to see me try to be mean and become mean because he knows it is hard for me.    It was awful...and I was just supposed to be subbing!  

All of these dreams were in much more detail than I can recall here and have it make any sense. 

I still regularly dream that my teeth are falling out.  It happened again a couple of weeks ago, and it was one of the worst yet.  They became progressively worse this year.  I know it has something to do with anxiety or insecurity in general.  

Misc. photos

Here's a smattering of photos I took in the last few months.  They never quite made it to the blog before this.

Desert Botanical Garden - Phoenix

Desert Botanical Garden - Phoenix

View from airplane straight south on Central Ave.  I can see my home and school.

Friends at the Phoenix Zoo - SMILE 2009

A little friend on Piestewa Peak, Phoenix

Squintycrinkly me at the summit of Piestewa Peak

Shannon and I 

Johnny Jump-Up flower Colorado Springs, CO

View of Phoenix from trailhead of Piestewa Peak

Miss Marble took an interest in reading upside-down literature while I visited Connecticut....

....while I took an interest in sweet Theodore

Stained Glass - Salve Regina University  (Newport, Rhode Island)

Stone wall at Salve Regina University

Stained glass window - St. Joseph Memorial Chapel, College of the Holy Cross

I'm Fascinated.

I recently took a self-assessment test.  In short, someone is trying to sell it to us to use on our students, so he used it on me first as a sample.  The results fascinated me.  Twenty questions led a computer to tell me the following.  If you know me, is it not frighteningly accurate?  Read on...

Katie believes in getting results through other people. She prefers the "team
approach." She projects a self-assured and self-confident image. She likes feedback from
her manager on how she is doing. Her goal is to have and make many friends. At work,
she is good at maintaining friendly public relations. Katie wants to be liked by everyone
and to be recognized for her willingness to help others in time of need. She can be friendly
with others in many situations, but primarily with groups of established friends and
associates. She is sociable and enjoys the uniqueness of each human being. She wants
to be seen not only as a team player, but also as a leader of the team. She is optimistic
and usually has a positive sense of humor. Katie likes freedom from many controls. She
wants to be seen as her own person, but usually projects it in friendly terms.
Katie is good at giving verbal and nonverbal feedback that serves to encourage people
to be open, to trust her and to see her as receptive and helpful. She will not be overlooked
nor uninvolved. She will consistently try to inspire people to her point of view. She is good
at solving problems that deal with people. She may leap to a favorable conclusion without
considering all the facts. Katie likes working for managers who make quick decisions.
Because of her trust and willing acceptance of people, she may misjudge the abilities of
others. When she has strong feelings about a particular problem, you should expect to
hear these feelings, and they will probably be expressed in an emotional manner.

Katie is positive in her approach to dealing with others. She may not understand why
everyone doesn't see life as she does! She tends to influence people to her way of
thinking by using verbiage as compared with others who like to use reports. She can get
emotional about any subject in which she believes. She is both a good talker and a good
listener. Katie is optimistic about her ability to influence people to her way of thinking. She
tends to mask some of her directness in friendly terms and is usually recognized as a
friendly and trusting person. It is important for Katie to use her people skills to "facilitate"
agreement between people. She tends to look at all the things the group has in common,
rather than key in on the differences. She is comfortable with most people and can be
quite informal and relaxed with them. Even when dealing with strangers, Katie will attempt
to put them at ease.

My "self-perception"

Katie usually sees herself as being: 

Enthusiastic, Outgoing Charming,  Inspiring, Persuasive, Optimistic 

"Other's Perceptions:"

Under moderate pressure, tension, stress or fatigue, others may see Katie as being: 

Self-Promoting,  Glib, Overly Optimistic , Unrealistic 

And, under extreme pressure, stress or fatigue, others may see her as being: 

Overly Confident , Talkative , Poor Listener,  Self-Promoter 

Katie wants: 

A manager who practices participative management. 

Freedom from conflict and confrontation. 

A support system to do the detail work.

Methods for performing high quality work. 

A secure future. 

A friendly work environment. 

Freedom from control and detail. 

Time to think and plan. 

Peace and harmony. 

Flattery, praise, popularity and strokes. 

To be accepted as a member of the team. 

Katie needs: 

A tolerant boss. 

To focus conversations on work activities--less socializing. 

Authority equal to responsibility. 

Participatory management. 

Help on controlling time and setting priorities. 

People to work and associate with. 

Bottom-line measurement. 

Objectivity when dealing with people because of her high trust level. 

More control of body language. 

To mask emotions when appropriate. 

A rational approach to decision making--analyze the facts. 

To handle routine paperwork only once. 

To relax and pace herself. 

Katie has a tendency to: 

Be too verbal in expressing criticism. 

Be unrealistic in appraising people--especially if the person is a "friend." 

Underinstruct and overdelegate--will rely on personality as opposed to a disciplined 

approach to follow-up. 

Be optimistic regarding possible results of her projects or the potential of her people. 

Trust people indiscriminately if positively reinforced by those people. 

Overuse praise in motivating others. 

Take information at face value without validation or substantial investigation. 

Bear Mtn Summit

Echo on the summit - you can hear the first two fairly well

Recent Sedona Hiking: Bear Mountain

I know, I have been really bad lately.  But, I finally sucked it up and got my own internet connection, so before long I should be back to some more regular blogging.  Meanwhile, I will post some pictures of the Bear Mtn Hike with Shannon.  This is a 5 mile hike with a 1,900 foot elevation increase--a terrific  and challenging climb with several opportunities to become a bit mislead.   Apparently, most people usually don't make it to the actual summit.  Click here to read a pretty descent article describing the hike.  

Skies like this (above) made us a little nervous.  But we only saw two bolts of lightning and it always seemed pretty far away.  As it turned out, we got rained on only once for a few minutes, and had sun at the summit and most of the way down.  We both agreed that if it was sunny out, the trek would have been almost unbearable.

This (above) is what we thought was Bear Mountain.  I took this picture somewhere near the trail head.  Little did we know, that was only the beginning.  When we got to the top of that, we realized we had quite a ways to go.  Off in the distance, the real summit was visible after another half mile or so: (below)
From the summit We could see the San Francisco Peaks in Flagstaff.  Bear Mtn is one of only a couple points in Sedona from which one can see these peaks: 

This (on the way down) depicts some of the distance between the two points---high, higher, highest.   We had the entire mountain to ourselves...probably because of the questionable weather, and it being a weekday.

Don't slip!

Pretty contrast of red rocks and green foliage
 "Cairns" like this one kept us on the path...or at least searching for the right trail
Fay Canyon, view from descent

Warm dinner never tasted so good that night!

Excerpt from The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

I was rereading this recently....



"My heart is a traitor," the boy said to the alchemist, when they had pasued to rest the horses. "It doesn't want me to go on."

"That makes sense, the alchemist answered. "Naturally it's afraid that, inpursuing your dream, you might lose everything you've won."

"Well, then, why should I listen to my heart?"

"Because you will never again be able to keep it quiet. Even if you pretend not to have heard what it tells you, it will always be there inside you, repeating to you what you're thinking about life and about the world."

"You mean I should listen, even if it's treasonous?"

"Treason is a blow that comes unexpectedly. If you know your heart well, it will never be able to do that to you. Because you'll know its dreams and wishes, and will know how to deal with them.
You will never be able to escape from your heart. So it's better to listen to what it has to say. That way, you'll never have to fear an unanticipated blow."

The boy continued to listen to his heart as they crossed the desert. He came to understand its dodges and tricks, and to accept it as it was. He lost his fear, and forgot about his need to go back to the oasis, because, one afternoon his heart told him that it was happy. "Even though I complain sometimes, it said, "it's because I'm the heart of a person, and people's hearts are that way. People are afraid to pursuie their most important dreams, because they feel that they don't deserve them, or that they'll be unable to achieve them. We, their hearts, become fearful just thinking of loved ones who go away ofrever, or of moments thatcould have een good but weren't, or of treasures that might have been found but were forever hidden in the sands. Because, when those things happen, we suffer terribly."

"My heart is afraid that it will have to suffer," the boy told the alchemist one night as they looked up at the moonless sky.

"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffereing itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of th esearch is a second's encounter with God and with eternity."